Over-limit effect
In life, when children make mistakes, parents will criticize the same thing once, twice, three times, or even four or five times, causing children to go from guilt to impatience and even disgust.
When they are "pushed to the limit", they will have a rebellious mentality and behavior of "I want to do this".
This is the famous "overrun effect" in child psychology.
The overrun effect refers to the phenomenon that when external stimuli (such as discipline, learning requirements, nagging, etc.) are too much, too strong, or last too long, children may feel disgusted, resist, or even lose control of their emotions. In other words, too much "good intentions" may overwhelm children.
Therefore, parents should limit their criticism of their children and should "criticize only once for each mistake they make".
If you have to criticize again, you should not simply repeat it, but change the angle and wording. In this way, children will not feel that the same mistake is "held on to", thereby reducing the chance of children developing a rebellious mentality.
Children's psychological mechanism under the over-limit effect
Children's psychological tolerance and emotional regulation abilities are not fully developed.
When faced with excessive stimulation, they often cannot deal with it effectively and will protect themselves by "escaping" or "resisting".
This reaction may manifest as inattention, bad temper, or even rebellious behavior, such as throwing things and shouting.
Three manifestations of the over-limit effect
The fatigue effect of nagging and repetition
Parents keep repeating the same instructions or requests, such as "go do your homework", "drink more water", "don't play with your phone", which will eventually make children lose their attention to these words and even develop a rebellious mentality. They may choose to "pretend not to hear" or simply do the opposite.
The sense of oppression brought by high expectations
If parents' requirements for their children are far beyond their ability, the children may not only feel helpless, but also doubt themselves because they cannot meet the expectations.
This pressure may turn into rejection of learning, parents or the task itself.
Antipathy caused by emotional contagion
When parents or teachers express their requirements, they have strong negative emotions, such as anger, anxiety or impatience. For example, after parents have negative emotions at work, they take their anger out on their children when they return home, and ask their children to do their homework in extreme impatience or anger.
At this time, children often feel oppressed, and thus associate this negative emotion with the specific tasks assigned by parents (such as learning), and develop a disgust mentality.
How to avoid the over-limit effect?
1. Reduce repetition and strengthen trust
Instead of nagging, give clear and concise instructions and wait patiently for your child's response. Keep trust in your child's abilities and let them learn to be responsible for their own behavior.
2. Set reasonable goals
Requirements should match the child's abilities and interests. Goals can be appropriately challenging, but must be achievable. Achieving goals will give children a sense of accomplishment, not helplessness.
3. Pay attention to emotional expression
When communicating, try to communicate with children in a calm and sincere manner and avoid conveying negative emotions. Parents' emotional state will directly affect children's psychological feelings.
4. Give appropriate freedom
Children need a certain degree of autonomy to explore their interests and abilities. Excessive interference will not only weaken their initiative, but also may make them lose their enthusiasm for exploration.
5. Learn to pause and adjust
If you find that your child is out of control or shows strong resistance, you might as well suspend the current request, give them time to calm down, and reflect on whether the communication method needs to be adjusted.
Conclusion
The "overlimit effect" reminds us that educating children is not a competition of strength, but an art that requires wisdom and patience.
Excessive love and attention may become a "sweet burden" that makes children lose the motivation to grow.
Instead of exerting excessive external pressure, it is better to give children more understanding and space. Only when we respect the psychological rhythm of children can education truly become a boost to their growth, rather than an obstacle!
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